[It switches to a video feed. Wherever Kaworu is, it's dark, and there's the sound of rain drizzling in the background. When he sees that it's on, he looks into the lens and offers a smile. Not one of his warm, genuine smiles... a more distant, mild, untraceable smile.]
How shall I refer to you? Ayanami-san? You can just call me Kaworu, if you like.
[ A moment passes, several, before this feed responds in kind. Only walls are visible behind her, clearly her room's, stark enough to match her expression. ]
[He stares into the camera. Something about watching her, listening to her talk, is so strange. In a good way.]
I have my connection to my children, but... at the same time, I am different. I appear as a Lilim and lived under Lilim. My experience is more like yours, not theirs. And, my body is like yours. You're like me.
... Because you no longer want to be alone in those experiences.
[ Loneliness. Another piece of knowledge she may have forever avoided back then, if given the chance, and yet-- did her own heart not desire its end whether or not she learned its name? ]
All Angels were terminated, however.
[ He refers to more than this, she knows, as if a memory on the edge of consciousness, a stinging push of dread that contradicts itself and pulls. The barest tension responds in her shoulders. ]
Yes. Loneliness does not wound my heart the way it does a Lilim's. But, nevertheless, if given the chance, I would rather not be alone in them.
[there is another pause. He's hesitant to say more - what he'd like to say. It may alienate her despite their similarities.]
But it's not because the other Angels are gone. We possess the Fruit of Life and will live forever. Even as they died, they didn't leave me.
[Being in this place, on the other hand... they were gone. Did that loneliness hurt him? Maybe. But still not the loneliness she would have had in mind.]
[ This fate had been hers, but not hers. Only name and face linking each new self, a replacement, another thing called Rei Ayanami. It is--
It is the way of things. ]
And man possessed everything you lacked.
[ The impulse to learn and create, then, in light of their mortality. Two halves of a whole, magnetic poles she stands precariously between or beside. ]
Yes, the Fruit of Knowledge. The origin of all of humankind's accomplishments, but also the force that causes them so much despair. The hope of man is written in their own sorrow.
[his voice softens again as he talks about this. He came to care for them. Seele expected him to wipe the planet clean, but they couldn't take away his independent mind.]
I mentioned it to you earlier, but I love them for that sorrow. I didn't want to destroy creatures so submerged in misery, but so continuously struggling towards the surface. Destroy them, for what? Out of principle, because they should not technically be here? No.
[ The rest is duly noted, but cut through for the moment. By his own admission, he has hurt Ikari, and she has not forgotten. Even still, there is no real venom. It's honest. ]
[The sudden swerve in the conversation catches him off guard, and it takes a moment to realize she's bringing up what he told her about Shinji. It's a tender topic right now, after what happened last week. Just the recollection stirs the miasma in his core, sending feelings he still can't name into a brief flurry.
He looks away from her, but his voice is still soft like before.]
There is no love without vulnerability. Pain is unavoidable.
[ And there is the possibility that has changed for him. In a way, she finds herself testing this, though deep inside she knows him not to be fully incorrect. Still, something nameless and protective stirs. None of her words sound accusatory, as usual. What has been said of him could so easily be said of her. (Again.) ]
[Kaworu doesn't pretend he understands it completely yet. It's all very new to him - invigorating in how strange and foreign these things are. Confusing. Shinji's pained expression charms him, sends him feeling dizzy and enamored, and makes him feel "guilty" all at once.
This conversation is making him think of when he spoke to the last Rei. That Rei seems quite different from this one, "his" Rei. But how different...?]
[ There's more she could tell, as there so often is, but the words would be her attempt at a foreign tongue she has only ever heard. Even if what roils inside her heart had not been laid open so recently before her death, so easily, unprepared to be witnessed by one who is not quite a stranger. ]
[It was difficult for himself, too. And recently, it is again. But Kaworu has his own suspicions with regards to Rei. He knew what actions she had taken... and he'd listened to her devotion to her promise to Shinji.
He looks back into the camera with a gentle, inviting look in his eyes. It hides his prying fascination with her.]
[ She isn't precisely sure why her head slowly begins to lower. Why her heart rate increases, slightly, is just as much a mystery. Illness? Not possible. Somehow, her medicine exists here, and any memory of becoming sick remains blank. This sensation in itself, however, she does remember. She can compare it to those past images of Ikari's kindness, the subsequent reactions beyond her control. Are these what she still should be feeling? ]
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But you want to talk, too. Don't you?
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I am not refusing.
video;
How shall I refer to you? Ayanami-san? You can just call me Kaworu, if you like.
video;
... Nagisa.
Do you truly seek a connection?
video;
You don't believe that I do?
video;
[ Simply. She finally blinks. ]
video;
[he admits it just as simply.]
I understand your reluctance. I'm an angel, I'm suspicious.
video;
[ Not quite a shake of the head, but notable movement all the same. ]
If you wished to harm. You would have.
[ For she's since looked back on his archived past here, and on those of the others. ]
video;
The question is, would you rather know and risk the despair, or stay as you are?
video;
[ And she senses that perhaps he is, too, about something she has told him, but the observation becomes no more than that. ]
video;
[He stares into the camera. Something about watching her, listening to her talk, is so strange. In a good way.]
I have my connection to my children, but... at the same time, I am different. I appear as a Lilim and lived under Lilim. My experience is more like yours, not theirs. And, my body is like yours. You're like me.
video;
[ Loneliness. Another piece of knowledge she may have forever avoided back then, if given the chance, and yet-- did her own heart not desire its end whether or not she learned its name? ]
All Angels were terminated, however.
[ He refers to more than this, she knows, as if a memory on the edge of consciousness, a stinging push of dread that contradicts itself and pulls. The barest tension responds in her shoulders. ]
video;
[there is another pause. He's hesitant to say more - what he'd like to say. It may alienate her despite their similarities.]
But it's not because the other Angels are gone. We possess the Fruit of Life and will live forever. Even as they died, they didn't leave me.
[Being in this place, on the other hand... they were gone. Did that loneliness hurt him? Maybe. But still not the loneliness she would have had in mind.]
video;
[ This fate had been hers, but not hers. Only name and face linking each new self, a replacement, another thing called Rei Ayanami. It is--
It is the way of things. ]
And man possessed everything you lacked.
[ The impulse to learn and create, then, in light of their mortality. Two halves of a whole, magnetic poles she stands precariously between or beside. ]
video;
[his voice softens again as he talks about this. He came to care for them. Seele expected him to wipe the planet clean, but they couldn't take away his independent mind.]
I mentioned it to you earlier, but I love them for that sorrow. I didn't want to destroy creatures so submerged in misery, but so continuously struggling towards the surface. Destroy them, for what? Out of principle, because they should not technically be here? No.
video;
[ The rest is duly noted, but cut through for the moment. By his own admission, he has hurt Ikari, and she has not forgotten. Even still, there is no real venom. It's honest. ]
video;
He looks away from her, but his voice is still soft like before.]
There is no love without vulnerability. Pain is unavoidable.
video;
[ And there is the possibility that has changed for him. In a way, she finds herself testing this, though deep inside she knows him not to be fully incorrect. Still, something nameless and protective stirs. None of her words sound accusatory, as usual. What has been said of him could so easily be said of her. (Again.) ]
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[Kaworu doesn't pretend he understands it completely yet. It's all very new to him - invigorating in how strange and foreign these things are. Confusing. Shinji's pained expression charms him, sends him feeling dizzy and enamored, and makes him feel "guilty" all at once.
This conversation is making him think of when he spoke to the last Rei. That Rei seems quite different from this one, "his" Rei. But how different...?]
And what about yourself, Rei Ayanami?
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[ There's more she could tell, as there so often is, but the words would be her attempt at a foreign tongue she has only ever heard. Even if what roils inside her heart had not been laid open so recently before her death, so easily, unprepared to be witnessed by one who is not quite a stranger. ]
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He looks back into the camera with a gentle, inviting look in his eyes. It hides his prying fascination with her.]
Do you love Shinji-kun, too?
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He is... warm.
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