[He stares into the camera. Something about watching her, listening to her talk, is so strange. In a good way.]
I have my connection to my children, but... at the same time, I am different. I appear as a Lilim and lived under Lilim. My experience is more like yours, not theirs. And, my body is like yours. You're like me.
... Because you no longer want to be alone in those experiences.
[ Loneliness. Another piece of knowledge she may have forever avoided back then, if given the chance, and yet-- did her own heart not desire its end whether or not she learned its name? ]
All Angels were terminated, however.
[ He refers to more than this, she knows, as if a memory on the edge of consciousness, a stinging push of dread that contradicts itself and pulls. The barest tension responds in her shoulders. ]
Yes. Loneliness does not wound my heart the way it does a Lilim's. But, nevertheless, if given the chance, I would rather not be alone in them.
[there is another pause. He's hesitant to say more - what he'd like to say. It may alienate her despite their similarities.]
But it's not because the other Angels are gone. We possess the Fruit of Life and will live forever. Even as they died, they didn't leave me.
[Being in this place, on the other hand... they were gone. Did that loneliness hurt him? Maybe. But still not the loneliness she would have had in mind.]
[ This fate had been hers, but not hers. Only name and face linking each new self, a replacement, another thing called Rei Ayanami. It is--
It is the way of things. ]
And man possessed everything you lacked.
[ The impulse to learn and create, then, in light of their mortality. Two halves of a whole, magnetic poles she stands precariously between or beside. ]
Yes, the Fruit of Knowledge. The origin of all of humankind's accomplishments, but also the force that causes them so much despair. The hope of man is written in their own sorrow.
[his voice softens again as he talks about this. He came to care for them. Seele expected him to wipe the planet clean, but they couldn't take away his independent mind.]
I mentioned it to you earlier, but I love them for that sorrow. I didn't want to destroy creatures so submerged in misery, but so continuously struggling towards the surface. Destroy them, for what? Out of principle, because they should not technically be here? No.
[ The rest is duly noted, but cut through for the moment. By his own admission, he has hurt Ikari, and she has not forgotten. Even still, there is no real venom. It's honest. ]
[The sudden swerve in the conversation catches him off guard, and it takes a moment to realize she's bringing up what he told her about Shinji. It's a tender topic right now, after what happened last week. Just the recollection stirs the miasma in his core, sending feelings he still can't name into a brief flurry.
He looks away from her, but his voice is still soft like before.]
There is no love without vulnerability. Pain is unavoidable.
[ And there is the possibility that has changed for him. In a way, she finds herself testing this, though deep inside she knows him not to be fully incorrect. Still, something nameless and protective stirs. None of her words sound accusatory, as usual. What has been said of him could so easily be said of her. (Again.) ]
[Kaworu doesn't pretend he understands it completely yet. It's all very new to him - invigorating in how strange and foreign these things are. Confusing. Shinji's pained expression charms him, sends him feeling dizzy and enamored, and makes him feel "guilty" all at once.
This conversation is making him think of when he spoke to the last Rei. That Rei seems quite different from this one, "his" Rei. But how different...?]
[ There's more she could tell, as there so often is, but the words would be her attempt at a foreign tongue she has only ever heard. Even if what roils inside her heart had not been laid open so recently before her death, so easily, unprepared to be witnessed by one who is not quite a stranger. ]
[It was difficult for himself, too. And recently, it is again. But Kaworu has his own suspicions with regards to Rei. He knew what actions she had taken... and he'd listened to her devotion to her promise to Shinji.
He looks back into the camera with a gentle, inviting look in his eyes. It hides his prying fascination with her.]
[ She isn't precisely sure why her head slowly begins to lower. Why her heart rate increases, slightly, is just as much a mystery. Illness? Not possible. Somehow, her medicine exists here, and any memory of becoming sick remains blank. This sensation in itself, however, she does remember. She can compare it to those past images of Ikari's kindness, the subsequent reactions beyond her control. Are these what she still should be feeling? ]
[Maybe that's a yes. He grins widely, clearly pleased by that answer.]
He makes you feel warm. You want to protect him, and keep him from being hurt.
[This is perhaps the heart of what may keep them apart from one another. Should he tell her what happened? Back then? And even now, too? Kaworu knows he's still causing Shinji anguish, as much as his own heart has ached sweetly from it.]
[ Does she, then? Whether or not it pleases him, this is what cannot change. This, she realizes, must be another part of who she is, no matter what it may be called. A beat, and her eyes return to the camera. ]
I must remain vigilant.
[ If Ikari should need her. If the Fifth defies her expectations and poses a dangerous threat to him, or to others he cares for. The prospects of failure, while many, aren't considered. ]
I have significantly less destructive capabilities here.
[There are no Evas and no Lilith. Sure, he could probably break all the tablets and destroy the transport network if he really wanted to, but that simply won't happen. The most he could see himself doing is keeping another person's hands from harming him - which is mostly the only thing he's used his AT Field for for years now.]
If you are wary of me, it's only because I could hurt Shinji the same way anyone else could.
...Indeed, although I hurt him, I hardly think I am the cruelest force in his life right now.
[Kaworu is quite confident she'll have an idea who he's referring to. He had to wonder, how did Rei feel about her? Surely this could be another similarity.]
[ On both counts, although she's returned to even more cryptic answers. The Second's activities haven't escaped her, either, for as much as the tablet would reveal of them. The predictable anger of a closed heart. Red. A warning signal to those who would rather avoid. Despite his intentions, the Fifth is not so transparent. However, she lets the point stand. ]
If we both love Shinji-kun and want to protect him, then there's no need for us to be at odds.
[He knows she is not antagonistic or completely untrusting of him now, but he wants to emphasize that to her again. They have a similar goal, now that they are here in this place. To shelter the person important to them.]
But, for the same reasons, I will not reveal to you anything you do not wish to know. [as much as he wants to.] I have been allowed to speak, and I thank you for that much.
Still... if you ever desire to know who you really are, just let me know, Rei Ayanami.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
video;
You don't believe that I do?
video;
[ Simply. She finally blinks. ]
video;
[he admits it just as simply.]
I understand your reluctance. I'm an angel, I'm suspicious.
video;
[ Not quite a shake of the head, but notable movement all the same. ]
If you wished to harm. You would have.
[ For she's since looked back on his archived past here, and on those of the others. ]
video;
The question is, would you rather know and risk the despair, or stay as you are?
video;
[ And she senses that perhaps he is, too, about something she has told him, but the observation becomes no more than that. ]
video;
[He stares into the camera. Something about watching her, listening to her talk, is so strange. In a good way.]
I have my connection to my children, but... at the same time, I am different. I appear as a Lilim and lived under Lilim. My experience is more like yours, not theirs. And, my body is like yours. You're like me.
video;
[ Loneliness. Another piece of knowledge she may have forever avoided back then, if given the chance, and yet-- did her own heart not desire its end whether or not she learned its name? ]
All Angels were terminated, however.
[ He refers to more than this, she knows, as if a memory on the edge of consciousness, a stinging push of dread that contradicts itself and pulls. The barest tension responds in her shoulders. ]
video;
[there is another pause. He's hesitant to say more - what he'd like to say. It may alienate her despite their similarities.]
But it's not because the other Angels are gone. We possess the Fruit of Life and will live forever. Even as they died, they didn't leave me.
[Being in this place, on the other hand... they were gone. Did that loneliness hurt him? Maybe. But still not the loneliness she would have had in mind.]
video;
[ This fate had been hers, but not hers. Only name and face linking each new self, a replacement, another thing called Rei Ayanami. It is--
It is the way of things. ]
And man possessed everything you lacked.
[ The impulse to learn and create, then, in light of their mortality. Two halves of a whole, magnetic poles she stands precariously between or beside. ]
video;
[his voice softens again as he talks about this. He came to care for them. Seele expected him to wipe the planet clean, but they couldn't take away his independent mind.]
I mentioned it to you earlier, but I love them for that sorrow. I didn't want to destroy creatures so submerged in misery, but so continuously struggling towards the surface. Destroy them, for what? Out of principle, because they should not technically be here? No.
video;
[ The rest is duly noted, but cut through for the moment. By his own admission, he has hurt Ikari, and she has not forgotten. Even still, there is no real venom. It's honest. ]
video;
He looks away from her, but his voice is still soft like before.]
There is no love without vulnerability. Pain is unavoidable.
video;
[ And there is the possibility that has changed for him. In a way, she finds herself testing this, though deep inside she knows him not to be fully incorrect. Still, something nameless and protective stirs. None of her words sound accusatory, as usual. What has been said of him could so easily be said of her. (Again.) ]
no subject
[Kaworu doesn't pretend he understands it completely yet. It's all very new to him - invigorating in how strange and foreign these things are. Confusing. Shinji's pained expression charms him, sends him feeling dizzy and enamored, and makes him feel "guilty" all at once.
This conversation is making him think of when he spoke to the last Rei. That Rei seems quite different from this one, "his" Rei. But how different...?]
And what about yourself, Rei Ayanami?
no subject
[ There's more she could tell, as there so often is, but the words would be her attempt at a foreign tongue she has only ever heard. Even if what roils inside her heart had not been laid open so recently before her death, so easily, unprepared to be witnessed by one who is not quite a stranger. ]
no subject
He looks back into the camera with a gentle, inviting look in his eyes. It hides his prying fascination with her.]
Do you love Shinji-kun, too?
no subject
He is... warm.
no subject
He makes you feel warm. You want to protect him, and keep him from being hurt.
[This is perhaps the heart of what may keep them apart from one another. Should he tell her what happened? Back then? And even now, too? Kaworu knows he's still causing Shinji anguish, as much as his own heart has ached sweetly from it.]
What will you do about me?
no subject
[ Does she, then? Whether or not it pleases him, this is what cannot change. This, she realizes, must be another part of who she is, no matter what it may be called. A beat, and her eyes return to the camera. ]
I must remain vigilant.
[ If Ikari should need her. If the Fifth defies her expectations and poses a dangerous threat to him, or to others he cares for. The prospects of failure, while many, aren't considered. ]
1/2
[There are no Evas and no Lilith. Sure, he could probably break all the tablets and destroy the transport network if he really wanted to, but that simply won't happen. The most he could see himself doing is keeping another person's hands from harming him - which is mostly the only thing he's used his AT Field for for years now.]
If you are wary of me, it's only because I could hurt Shinji the same way anyone else could.
no subject
[Kaworu is quite confident she'll have an idea who he's referring to. He had to wonder, how did Rei feel about her? Surely this could be another similarity.]
no subject
[ On both counts, although she's returned to even more cryptic answers. The Second's activities haven't escaped her, either, for as much as the tablet would reveal of them. The predictable anger of a closed heart. Red. A warning signal to those who would rather avoid. Despite his intentions, the Fifth is not so transparent. However, she lets the point stand. ]
no subject
[He knows she is not antagonistic or completely untrusting of him now, but he wants to emphasize that to her again. They have a similar goal, now that they are here in this place. To shelter the person important to them.]
But, for the same reasons, I will not reveal to you anything you do not wish to know. [as much as he wants to.] I have been allowed to speak, and I thank you for that much.
Still... if you ever desire to know who you really are, just let me know, Rei Ayanami.